ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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