my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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