theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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