You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
