I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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