fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize