i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
