This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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