last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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