i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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