I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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