Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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