i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
