My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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