i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
