my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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