her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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