brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
