I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
