now i know why i became what i already was.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
