Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
