ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
