Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
