There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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