If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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