I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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