Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
