If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
