If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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