I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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