That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
