Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
