i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
