hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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