Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
