hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
