Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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