Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
