I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
