Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
