I met the friendliest cop last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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