He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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