what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
