I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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