when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
