we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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