I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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