i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
