Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
