yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
