I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
