just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
