Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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