Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
