you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
