U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
