Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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