I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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