hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
