there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
