can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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