my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
