We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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